traveling mama and the wire robbers

I've heard that I shouldn't admit this, but I love to travel!  Yep---even though I miss Simera more than anything, I love getting to see and experience new places, new things, and take a toddler break.  

I don't love the quick trips to boring cities where I am carrying a ton of bags and running and rushing....those trips are just stressful~

I love the long flights where I can plug into myself for hours with out disruption~

You see, as a single mama, I don't get much time to :

pluck my eyebrows (did you know that the airplane bathrooms are the BEST for this?)

read anything other than kid books

take a bath without colored bubbles ALONE

eat dinner in bed

research new parenting methods (from FEAR to LOVE is a great tool)

pray long and hard prayers

budget (yep----I travel with all of my receipts and do this on planes---also helps me not to spend too much on these trips)

I am so thankful for face time ~ for skype and for all of the technology that keeps me close to home when I'm away.  I'm equally thankful for the headphones that keep people from talking to me on planes.  :)

Today, I'm in Barcelona and I was robbed.  I was sitting in a restaurant/bakery and had the same problem that I always have in European restaurants.....The seats are so close together that you are always elbow to elbow with the next patron.  I prefer NOT to sit so close to other diners, so I always try to sit away from the crowd.  Today----a man sat down next to me and actually pulled his chair closer to me.  He was a nice looking man wearing khaki's and smelled good.  

I thought he must need more room, my bags were in his way, so I stood up to scoot my chair out of his way and realized, he moved closer to me to steal from me.  

When I stood up, he knocked me down and took my bag.  His "partner" who was buying a baguette at the bar and trying to keep the attention away from khaki man knocked the waitress down when she ran after mr. khaki...They stole the baguette, too.  Jerks!

The good news----

My bag was my "secondary" bag---

My passport, money, iphone, and important stuff were tucked away in my secret bag (i know Europe all too well).  The bag that they took though, had my book, my interstim regulator, my hotel key, adaptors, chargers, and more.  

I went directly to the police station and made a report.  It was sad to see 40 other people in the line to report their money, bags, passports, stolen by pick pockets who make a living attacking tourist in this area...this beautiful area of the world.  

I cried, too.  

I never cry, but I cried...partly, because the book I was reading, The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson, was in the bag.  I have notes in the margins, prayers that I am circling, ideas, dreams and personal goals written all over those pages.  Part of me wondered if the thieves could read English and realize that I really just wanted to pray about adopting another child---maybe they would take pity on me and send my dreams, my book back.  

After 3 hours, the police report was complete and I walked back to my hotel.  I stepped up to reception ready to tell them that I needed a new key and a new room since the thieves had my room number.  The smiling girl said...Holly?

I said, Yes.  She said, someone left a surprise for you.  

My bag was left for me by a girl who found it in bushes when she was walking her dog.  

Wow---

I could only feel emotional again.  I felt like God heard my prayers for the thieves that they would give my book back.  He heard.  He answered.  

I know it sounds far fetched...but this kind of thing always happens to me.  I'm a 1-percenter.  

I'm the one who is _______________.  Pick your word...

lucky

blessed

I feel both.  I'm fine with either.  

Everything happens for a reason.  I get to my room...find out that the thieves only stole 2 things.  My wire to charge my iphone (left the charger?)

My wire to re-balance my interstim device (left the $5000 device?)

I have no explanation for why the wires were taken, but I do know that the fact that my book was still in my bag gave me reason to stop and read----

we all need reason to pause~

I read all of my notes, all of my prayers, and all of my dreams.  

After reading what I wrote to myself, I know now more than ever that my heart is for adoption.    

As I deal with the issues that Simera is facing, I realize more than ever that I am her advocate.  I am her voice.  I am living to help her through her trauma, her demons.  We are starting our early intervention evaluations on Tuesday and I can't be happier that we are taking the right steps.  Steps towards help.  

When things get on track with Simera ( I know they will ).  

I want to consider giving her a sibling.  There is another child out there that could use my help, my love, my patience and caring.  

With two---I'll still travel!

With two----I'll still pluck my eyebrows in the sky!

With two----I'll take my happiness and I'll double it!

Who knows...Ethiopia makes three, just may be a fitting name for this blog again someday!

keeping 2 happy homes is the key to a happy girl!

5 Essentials Steps to Successful Coparenting | Two HappyHomes Inc.

bladder shmadder and other 2012 fun?

2012 has gone by so fast so far----it's almost March and so much has happened.  Early this year, I finally took care of my "issues" that have tormented me for years!  Apparently, my kidney and my bladder----although very close in proximity, really didn't want to talk to each other.  So----My tiny (too tiny according to 3 Dr.'s) bladder was working overtime and working when I thought she was off duty~  This caused too many problems to mention, but made me a champion at the pee pee dance....I truly thought of contacting "dancing with the stars" and telling them to add a category------The Samba, The jitter bug, The PEEPEE!

Why Not?.....I'm Good!

So, I found a solution to curb my never ending "bounce"---I now have a bionic bladder and am dancing WAY less!  Any of you who have seen me dance....YOU ARE WELCOME!  

The little box implanted in my lower back makes me feel very super hero-ish...here's a pic--just kidding---i shouldn't blog a picture of my bumbum.  

The therapy works wonders but---I found the downfall of the "box"~

Airport Security

Simera's 3rd Birthday present from me and Oma was a trip to Disney!  It was my 1st time I had to admit I was a card carrying member of the "you must pat me down" club!  

At Newark Airport the security staff was GREAT----not only patting us down while I was holding my girl but even letting her wear the trusty blue gloves and trying it herself.  

That girl must have been a mama!

Coming home (early) after a "challenging" time at Disney was not the same situation----Not only was this girl not a mama---i wonder if she was a daughter?

She tried to push and pull Simera through the metal detector and refused to just pat her down.  My little challenge not only beat me up but beat up the woman and hit the man that came over trying to help----The fit turned into a full on rage as she threw our entire carry on bag at a man who said...."why are you giving your mommy such a hard time?"

I was already wearing the markings of a hurt mama---

This only caused more and more frustration on her part----As I collected the contents of our huge and full bag that was all over the floor at the airport, I started to cry----

I cried - I cried - I cried

The tears of reality, my reality wouldn't stop.  

The rage is more than I can handle and more than I can explain and more than I can deal with some days.  I'm bruised, I'm cut, I'm heart broken~

I have heard so many comments:

oh, she'll grow out of it

she needs a father

give her to me for a day and i'll set her straight

all toddlers go through that

i don't believe in attachment disorders

if she keeps this up, she will kill you one day

you really need to find a father for her

she was adopted so young, that couldn't affect her

you are just too nice, i can see that you wouldn't be a disciplinarian

if chris wouldn't have left, she would be fine

Many of these comments are said with the best of intentions...to put the blame on someone, to make me feel like there may be a solution

 ????

      No Matter----

The comments make me feel like a failure.  They make me feel that if I wouldn't have let my marriage fail, I would have a perfect child.  Like, if I was harsh and stern, my daughter wouldn't cut herself at age 3.  

Like I am exaggerating the fact that she is so strong, she throws and breaks pieces of furniture in a rage.  

I'm going to get to the bottom of this~

I went to apply for early intervention soon after the Disney trip.  I have our therapist and her current teachers and nanny to back up the claims of this behavior.  I have photos, stories, countless canceled play-dates, and sadness in my eyes.  The special ed woman that I spoke to saw the sadness and saw that I was fearful.  How do I parent?  How do I single-parent with these challenges?

I can't tell you how she made me feel, because I can't put the HOPE into words.  

I can say that I have a renewed sense of "warrior mama"

I lost a little of that these last 2 years of feeling rejected.  I was feeling so rejected by Chris that I lost the part of myself that reached deep inside when things were tough.  That part of me that knows how to reach deep inside is the part of me that has Faith.  The part of me that won't allow myself to get STUCK.  

I know that God won't let me face this alone.  I know that he just needed me to face this head on and deal with it like He knows I can.  

I know that Simera and I are together for a reason.  I have a few whirling thoughts about why God sent me across the world to find, and fall hopelessly in LOVE, with this little  peanut.

Those thoughts become more and more clear every single day.  

Simera may never get "better."  Simera may never be the same as the other kids, but what she will be is LOVED !  

It's amazing what I have seen true love do for people.  In Haiti, in China, in Ethiopia, in my family, next door.  

Stay tuned...this warrior mama is back in armor~

Simera is 3 and I reflect.

I woke up this morning with the most intense feelings.  I actually couldn't believe I awoke with such emotions.  Simera was laying next to me and I couldn't stop thinking about what could have been...What almost didn't happen...What if?  So many thoughts were swirling----about Simera, love...about Sanya, gratitude...about God, thankfulness.  

The journey to Simera was one of the hardest in my life.  I still haven't been able to share EVERYTHING that went on in Ethiopia and ALL of the challenges that I faced.  Lies, fear of my life, fear of Simera's life, fake people, more lies, babies that were breathing the last breath that they could with NO ONE to hold on to.    

I knew when I was in Ethiopia that my marriage had taken a grave turn--I knew that I crossed a line with Chris and yet still something pushed me---something would NOT let me turn back from the journey to Simera.  


Since that journey and all of the other changes in our lives, I am a completely different person~WITH A 3 YEAR OLD!


NEW JOB
NEW PERSPECTIVE
NEW AND DEEPER FAITH IN GOD
NEW HOME
NEW STATE
NEW PARENT
NEW DAUGHTER
NEW FRIENDS
LESS OLD FRIENDS
LESS MATERIALISTIC
LESS CRITICAL OF MY BODY
LESS EXPENSIVE CAR
MORE BALANCED
MORE HOPEFUL
MORE JOYOUS


After my experience in becoming Simera's mom, I truly don't take anything for granted.  I know what could have been.  I know what I almost lost.  I know that this little 'challenge' loves me and I love her.  
I love her in a way that couldn't be more even if she did come from my belly----the deep love and connection we share is ___________-
there are no words

My little charismatic, artistic, funny, & passionate girl turns 3 today and look forward to cherishing every day this year with her.  

OFFICIAL

Well, it's official....papers signed~sealed and submitted~Divorce is coming and there is no stopping it's arrival.  As I think about the future, I'm scared to death....I'm hopeful....I'm sad...I'm trying...I'm terrified....I'm ready....I'm crying...I'm lost.....I'm praying.  

Working together with an ex is hard~but he is so wonderful at what he does....

Talking to an ex is hard~but I like talking to him more than anyone else...

Seeing an ex is hard~but seeing him makes me smile still...

Clearly----I'm Unclear-----

So, from this point on----Ethiopiadoesnotmake3------Ethiopiamakes2-----2 girls-living in long island, loving our life together.  Loving our Nanny, Amy. Working through some of the hardest parts of adoption and attachment disorders.  

I plan to focus my energy and my time on Simera most of all.  I plan to focus on the issues that she is having and share the progress we make, the challenges, the successful days, the things I learn along our journey to bring Simera into a world where she can feel secure that she is loved and NO ONE is going to leave her again.  

I have applied for early intervention for Simera's behavior issues.  Her current teachers and therapist have suggested that this may be the best thing to help her calm her anger.  

I'm hopeful that we can find a place where she can learn to control it or at least learn how to let her anger out without hurting herself, me, or others.  

As an adoptive parent, you sit and wait to see the child that will soon be yours.  You feel like a divine match is about to be made----You worry about health, you worry about the mother...did she drink?  did she do drugs?  Is AIDS an issue?  Will your child be healthy and attached to you?  

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that this precious little child, this beautiful, and smart little girl would have a rage in her heart that lashed out like a lion when she felt lost and scared.  

Why didn't the social worker prepare me?  Why didn't other AP's prepare me?  What would I have done differently?            

NOTHING!

My love for Simera is her constant and my love for her will keep me aware and keep me fighting to help her feel secure...feel loved...feel the truth...I WILL NEVER LEAVE HER!

I remember once---someone said, "what if you find out that Simera is HIV positive?"  I said...nothing would change-I love her and she is my child and I will deal with anything that comes our way.  

A behavior issue is the same----We will deal, we will work on this....This smart, adorable little girl, has so much support in me!~   We can't help but beat this!

Simera loves her Daddy---loves to spend time with him~  I will always balance what she has with me, with a positive view of her Daddy...

Divorce or not---we are always going to be parents together and always going to work together to create the best life we can for Simera----

my friend emily---doing good!

: teenvogue.com

wish simera was old enough for this to be her party!!!

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